Upset

My God, my God!

Who am I compared with you?

I thought that I could teach nations about your power,

I thought that I was strong and extraordinary,

I thought that I was nearly sophisticated,

I thought that I was able to see your face.

But now, you didn't defeat me,

you didn't lay me down,

no, you don't do such things,

you let me go my way,

you let me defeat myself,

you let me know that I am weaker than dust.

Dust doesn't blaspheme you like a man.

Dust doesn't babble about its proud.

My pride touched the heavens.

Yes, Lord.

Ash doesn't even scoff you.

But I was praising yourself,

praising my wicked deeds.

I was greedy for compliments,

being unfair against you,

flattering yourself with wicked lips.

I exhorted yourself over the wisdom.

So is there any punishment for me to be enough?

Can some lash be strong enough to compensate for my sinful life?

Can I die to balance my sinfulness?

No, there is no punishment for me that I blasphemed God.

No punishment is enough to beat me.

My sins are too colossal and they are too many.

Will God humiliate me?

Exhorting myself I was humiliated.

Praising the foolishness I let the wisdom defeat me.

I was mocking the wisdom,

calling it to overcome me.

So it came and smashed me like clay pots,

breaking me like a stem of wheat.

So God has no tears for his scoffers,

only the poor in heart He rescues.

My wickedness humiliated me.

I thrown myself away, I thrown away my relief.

Where shall I go?

What shall I do now?

I can show nothing of mine being polished.

Verily, I am more worthless than dust.

Nobody wants me.

Everybody goes the other way from me.

They are saying in their hearts: This is the one being able to give us nothing!

Yes, they mock me every day.

Why was I born?

Was I asked whether I wanted it or not?

What is such the life when you are waiting only for death?

Can you be happy when you know that punishment is awaiting you?

Let God make me into dust again.

May I be not moving, living, breathing.

Even a lump of earth is more necessary than me.

I am overcome.

Even house of rats I do no deserve.

I am homeless,

being thirsty and hungry.

Coffins are happier than me.

The meaning of life is the same like the meaning of death.

It is the same to me.

Being disappointed I found no relief.

I will go to desert.

May I be teared by lions.

Leastways they will be satisfied for a while.

And then I will blaspheme God no more.